By Eric James Stone.
Read by Steve Anderson.
Most dragons rarely think about accounting. But you’ve worked hard to acquire that hoard of gold and jewels–shouldn’t you be keeping track of what happens to it? Just sitting on it isn’t good enough any more. That’s why you need accounting. Here are some tips:
Rated PG. for creative book-keeping.
Rated PG. for reflected nihilism.
One afternoon during his lunch hour, Emory wasn’t feeling particularly hungry. It was the monthly free-admission day at the art museum, so instead of getting a sandwich he went in to look at paintings. “This one,” he said to himself, “makes me think of flying, except that the blue is not right for the sky. It is more of a painting about sorrow, I think. Of flying through sorrow.”
Emory was in the habit of mumbling his thoughts aloud, but usually he was so quiet, his words so indistinct, that no one knew what he was saying. This time, however, a woman who stood near him said, “Interesting. Then what do you make of the companion piece?”
He looked at her as she stood waiting, an earnest expression on her face. He nearly apologized, nearly told her that he knew nothing about art. But then he glanced at the second painting and the words were out of his mouth, clearly and distinctly this time. “All that whiteness makes me think of hospitals. The jagged line there, the bucket that is tipped over but isn’t spilling a drop — it must be the psychiatric ward of the hospital. The yellow corners, the dead flies make sure that I know not to take comfort in the whiteness. Fear of insanity. That’s what I see.”
By Kelly Stiles, Caren Gussoff, and Lane Bowen.
Read by Marguerite Croft.
Presented in partnership with Fantasy Magazine.
PodCastle is proud to present these three excellent micro-fiction stories in conjunction with Fantasy Magazine. These stories won their recent contest for ten sentence fiction. You can read text versions of them, along with the other seven finalists, at Fantasy Magazine.
We hope PodCastle listeners will enjoy these stories and consider heading over to Fantasy Magazine for more excellent fiction!
Rated R. for language.
Read by Jake Squid.
1. Go to your local public library. Find a copy of The Undiscovered Self by Carl Jung. Take a $50 bill from your pocket, fold it half, and insert it between pages 122 and 123. You will not return to that library until you have completed the rest of the tasks on this list.
Rated PG. for innuendo.
It’s not that I’m easy, y’know? I mean, I got my standards, same as everyone, and it takes more than some dime-store wrench with a cheap chrome job to loosen my drawers.
But I’m a toolbox – what am I supposed to do? These guys, they’re not NASCAR engineers with a million dollars in their pocket. They’re just regular guys, trying to earn a half-decent wage, fixing the heaps of junk that other regular guys need to get to their crummy jobs, that … well, y’know how it goes.
Rated G. with playful, fruity flavors.
It was an unexpected thing, the temporary abdication of Heavenly Providence, entrusting the whole matter to a simple orange.
Rated G. — but don’t listen while chopping onions.
This story was one of the honorable mentions named and purchased by Stephen Eley after the Escape Pod Flash Fiction contest for short fiction under 300 words.
Matthias Fenstermacher loved onions, but hated slicing them, and so he labored to produce a tearless variety. His first attempt was indeed tearless–instead of weeping, the slicer was overcome by fits of uncontrollable giggles. The potential hazard was obvious.
Rated PG. Contains religious iconography, as described by the 18th Lord of Dunsany.
And all the people rejoiced and cried out, “There is none but Chu-bu.” And honey was offered to Chu-bu, and maize and fat. Thus was he magnified.
Chu-bu was an idol of some antiquity, as may be seen from the colour of the wood. He had been carved out of mahogany, and after he was carved he had been polished. Then they had set him up on the diorite pedestal with the brazier in front of it for burning spices and the flat gold plates for fat. Thus they worshipped Chu-bu.
He must have been there for over a hundred years when one day the priests came in with another idol into the temple of Chu-bu and set it up on a pedestal near Chu-bu’s and sang, “There is also Sheemish.”
Rated PG. Contains children with the powers of gods, or Gods with the temperaments of children.
Please note that The Missing Link podcast (formerly produced by Elizabeth Green Musselman) is, unfortunately, no longer running. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
The gods were at it again: giggling, babbling and running back and forth through the Abode of Heaven. Echoes rattled my drums and flutes against the walls where they were hung. A cymbal crashed to the floor.
“Quiet, kids!” I shouted out. “Settle down, or you’ll have to go play in the Void!”
Rated PG. Contains flight.
Dear people of the world,
Here is something that happened that you should really know about. That you need to know about. I know because I saw it. There was a woman who walked into her backyard. The grass beneath her bare feet was wet and cold, but she knelt and lay down upon it with her palms pressed into the ground and her legs spread wide. She touched as much of it as her finite body was able to. In her fenced- in yard, in the subdivision of her suburb, underneath the faint stars, she closed her eyes. I saw her.