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PodCastle 800: D.I.Y.

Show Notes

Rated PG-13


D.I.Y.

By John Wiswell

 

People ask how Noah could possibly turn down the Ozymandias Academy. All they know about him is the headlines, and they think he’s ungrateful. What you don’t get is that attending Ozymandias was Noah’s dream. Noah wanted it worse than anyone.

Do you know where he was when he was on his fifth birthday? Sitting in the stained passenger seat of his mom’s clunker, bouncing with excitement because she was driving him to mail his application. He clutched the envelope in both hands so there was no chance of dropping it.

He asked his mom, “Did you know Vamon doesn’t need a wand?”

His mom teased him, “Vamon who?”

He sounded out the syllables. “Va-mon Kinc-tu-ar-in. He saved the whole world. He teaches at Oz-y-man-di-as.”

“That’s a big name. Did he listen to his mom?”

Noah sat up as though she had blasphemed. “Mom. He was an orphan.”

“And he became a magician but didn’t need a wand?”

Noah started wheezing, like he had crickets in his lungs. He said, “He could make daggers from nowhere, and one time he used bone magic so that all the skeletons in a graveyard fought for him. When he was too tired, he magicked his own bones to keep fighting against the Seraphs. All of it without a wand. Do you know what he used instead?”

“Honey, take a puff of your inhaler.” (Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 799: A Change of Clothes

Show Notes

Rated PG-13


A Change of Clothes

By Derek Des Anges

Security at the Bellside Gym and Leisure Centre was, in the opinion of Ivan Kles, a joke. Just as an example, like, hed been able to walk right into the changing rooms and lockers where everyone kept their stuff without having a gym pass and without anyone challenging him, even though at sixteen he was graced with the exact kind of face that usually featured on Crimewatch reconstructions about cornershop robberies. Same outfit, too. 

It was a peaky day in mid-March and the smell of cheap bad coffee from the gym concession swept in through the door and mingled with the smell of stale sweat in the changing rooms and the cheap deodorant and chlorine from the showers. Ivan wandered into the changing room with his hands in his trackie bottoms, looking even by his own estimation guilty as hell.

He knew from previous experience he couldnt get into the ones with the padlocks on, not without some kind of bolt cutters, and it wasnt worth the aggro. But a lot of people, a surprising amount of people considering Bellside backed onto his kind of area, just didnt bother to bring one. You could get a couple of bits and bobs out without any bother at all. Sometimes even just walk off with a whole bag. No one stopped you.

There was only the one today: Ivan pried it open, listening to the showers hiss and roar and the muffled sound of some shit 90s chart music from the gym floor coming in under the door.

Inside there was a massive blacky-brown fur coat, taking up almost the whole locker.

Mint, muttered Ivan. Hed heard they could go for a bomb on eBay.

He pulled it out and started searching around for the pockets. It might just be easier to nick off with the wallet, and itd look a lot less suspicious. 

Mmmmblahblbhalbh, said a very serious-sounding voice right outside the door.

Ivan froze.

(Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 798: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: Squalor and Sympathy

Show Notes

Originally aired as PodCastle 427

Rated PG-13


Squalor and Sympathy

by Matt Dovey

Anna concentrated on the cold, on the freezing water around her feet and the bruising sensation in her toes. So cold. So cold. So cold, she thought. A prickling warmth like pins and needles crackled inside her feet. It coursed through her body to her clenched hands and into the lead alloy handles of the cotton loom. Each thought of cold! kindled a fresh surge of heat inside and pushed the shuttle across the weave in a new burst of power. Anna’s unfocused eyes rested on the woven cotton feeding out of the back of the machine. It looks so warm.

The constant clacking of looms that filled the factory changed tempo, quieted slightly. Anna glanced to her right, where Sally White worked.

Sally was standing, her feet still in her water bucket, and talking to herself. “Sodding thing, gone and jammed on me again. No wonder I can’t meet numbers.” She was peering into the loom at where her shuttle must have caught.

“Here, let me help.” Anna took her bare feet out of the bucket and stepped over. Her own shuttle slowed and stopped as she released the handles.

“You can’t, Anna. If Shuttleworth sees you’ve stopped work, there’ll be hell to pay. I’ll get it sorted. Don’t you worry about me, you look after yourself.” Sally’s fingers were deftly picking at threads of cotton, darting in and out like a chicken pecking for seed. She had good reason to be so delicate: when the jam cleared, the tension in the threads would launch the shuttle across the loom, even without power, and any fingers in the way would be ruined.

“Don’t be daft,” said Anna. “It’ll take no time with two of us.” She tucked her dark hair behind her ears then reached in and held the shuttle, letting Sally unpick the knots and tangles more easily.

“Oh you’ve a good heart, you have, Anna. I do like you. Ain’t many folk like you around no more. The world’s a selfish place these days, and always looking out for itself. I’m glad you’re in it to look out for others still.”

Anna stared up at Sally. Her hair and skin were so pale as to be almost white, especially in the weak sunlight of the factory. She was only twenty-two, Anna knew, only five years older than Anna herself, but she looked worn through, like milk watered down too thin. “Why don’t you say something about this shuttle?” asked Anna. “It’s near worn out!” (Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 797: A Jar of Malice

Show Notes

Rated PG-13


A Jar of Malice

By Gregory Marlow

1982

The morning light woke me as Mamaw slid in through the front door carrying a small flour sack. Mamaws couch was made of Brillo pads that left crinkle imprints on my cheeks as I peeled away from the cushion. I had kicked my quilt and pillow onto the floor. Mom used to say I ran marathons in my sleep. But that was before she left us.

Mamaw was trying to be quiet in the unpracticed way of a person who had lived alone for over a decade. She pushed the front door closed with a light click and then walked slowly to the kitchen with the flour sack in her hand. I watched her from the couch. She looked old and tired to my ten-year-old eyes, even though she was only fifty-six. The gray hairs outnumbered the brown, and her upper back was permanently arched forward, having spent more hours of her life leaning over a countertop and stove than standing upright.

Then I saw the sack move as if something inside had given it a little kick. I sat up quickly and wiped the sleep from my eyes.

Shed caught one.

(Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 796: Beech, Please

Show Notes

Rated PG


Beech, Please

by Maria Paige Brekke

If Rhiannon had to carve one more butterfly into a poplars trunk, she was going to close her shop and fly away. And who would the forests dryads turn to for body art then? Eric the Pyro Pirate, with his hackneyed hook hand and asinine wood-burning technique?

Fran hopped off the table, fluffing her leafy hair and swaying her hips to an imaginary breeze as she made her way to the mirror. She squealed in delight when she saw her reflection, twisting around to admire the image Rhiannon had spent the last two hours carving into her bark.

Rhiannon resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she started cleaning her knives. It wasnt like the butterfly was any different than the last eight she had carved. The newest trend among the poplar spirits was growing old fast.

Willow is going to be so jealous, Fran gushed. Dont tell anyone, but she went to Eric and let him burn an infinity symbol into one of her branches. From what I heard, there was a mishap with the iron, and he singed her hair. Poor thing.

That man is a menace. Rhiannons wings began fluttering, and she had to force her toes back onto the ground. People have been carving pictures into trees for hundreds of years. Why go and mess with that?

(Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 795: The Indigo Mantis

Show Notes

PG-13


The Indigo Mantis

by E. Catherine Tobler

Indi walked into the bar, seeds crunching under tarsus. The bar was her usual hangout, but tonight a trio of mountain pine beetles occupied the worn corner of the long pine counter. She hadnt seen their kind here before and her antennae twitched. She cast a glance to the trees thick trunk, but there was no sign the beetles had started their terrible work: no pitch tubes, no bark dust sprinkling the orange conk floor. As she watched them, a trio of aspen bark beetles waddled in and joined the mountain pines. There were high legs all around and excited chitters.

It was clear to her they were up to no good borers didnt meet without cause. The beetles were small and she could have eaten all six in two bites, but she stayed clear. Technically, they hadnt done anything wrong; she supposed beetles liked a night out as much as any bug. But they were a threat, and she would be damned before this grand old pine fell to their machinations. The Crimson Waste stretched to the west as far as the eye could see, trees consumed from the inside out by the insidious beetles. Aspens remained plentiful, but the boys were looking to move ever east, through richer stands of pine and fir.

Indi?

Her eyes flicked to the black carpenter ant who spoke her name, and she joined him on the opposite side of the bar. She hadnt come for beetles, after all. She sank onto a leaf going dry around the edges and looked at Joe. He was handsome, dark and gleaming under the twilight that filtered through the branches, despite the scar that rippled over his left eye; hed taken a bad hit from a wood wasps ovipositor some weeks before. He flicked one leg out, brushing her chin.

(Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 794: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: This is Not A Wardrobe Door

Show Notes

Rated G


This is Not a Wardrobe Door

by Merc Fenn Wolfmoor

Zera packs lightly for her journey: rose-petal rope and dewdrop boots, a jacket spun from bee song and buttoned with industrial-strength cricket clicks. She secures her belt (spun from the cloud memories, of course) and picks up her satchel. It has food for her and oil for Misu.

Her best friend is missing and she must find out why.

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PodCastle 793: Dip and Roll

Show Notes

Rated PG


Dip and Roll

by Celeste Rita Baker

On de largest beach of de smallest island in de Tania archipelago in de Caribbean Sea five shoreside metamorphic beachrocks sit chatting, as dey have done for de last hundred and sixty-odd years.

Hey, allyou. I leaving soon. You hear me? Dis place aint gon be de same, Craggy Dan, de boulder of de bunch, announce, as he has done every sunrise for de last four days.

CraggyDan, dont start wid dat again, mehson,” Cuber say, always quick to want to fight. You been here, most of we, been here, since we get push up from de selfsame sea in front of we right now. You aint going nowhere.

Huh? Somebody callin me? Shayla, all de way in de front, cant see anyting but de bay in front of she. She forever telling everyone bout de color of de water, de shape of de waves, de fish she see jumping and when Hundred Year HardBack coming to crawl pon dem for a sunning and a catch up. She had de best shape and position for vigilant surveillance, nestle as she was in front of CraggyDan, but she dont hear dat good, what wid de waves always running down she cracks, so she always yelling. De only ting dat does shut she up is snails. Shayla say she have to sit quiet when de snails telling dey silvery secrets else she cant make out what dey saying. She say de snails mostly does complain dat she allow she dribbles and drool to run over dem while dey trying to make dere way up she front side. Shayla say she tired explain to dem dat even doh she big and hard she aint got no control of de sea or de waves and dont even start wid she about de rain neither.

Nobody aint call you, Shayla.” Cuber voice rough and loud. Every generation of flies and mosquitos learn to veer round de jagged stone lest de erratic vibration of he speech alter dere flight. I just saying, Cuber scratchy voice go on, I tired hear CraggyDan talk. You know how he been lately, Shayla, running on and on bout he leaving. Someting dat never gon happen.

You dont know dat, Cuber,” Shayla creak, trying to turn. She cant, though. She a rock. Alla dem is rockstones, doh sometimes dey does forget.

(Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 792: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: In the Stacks

Show Notes

Rated R


In The Stacks

by Scott Lynch

On the clock outside the gate to the Manticore Wing of the library, the little blue flame was just floating past the symbol for high noon when Laszlo and Casimir skidded to a halt before a single tall figure.

“I see you two aspirants have chosen to favor us with a dramatic last-minute arrival,” said the man. “I was not aware this was to be a drama exam.”

“Yes, Master Molnar. Apologies, Master Molnar,” said Laszlo and Casimir in unison.

Hargus Molnar, Master Librarian, had a face that would have been at home in a gallery of military statues, among dead conquerors casting their permanent scowls down across the centuries. Lean and sinewy, with close-cropped gray hair and a dozen visible scars, he wore a use-seasoned suit of black leather and silvery mail. Etched on his cuirass was a stylized scroll, symbol of the Living Library, surmounted by the phrase Auvidestes, Gerani, Molokare. The words were Alaurin, the formal language of scholars, and they formed the motto of the Librarians:

RETRIEVE. RETURN. SURVIVE.

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PodCastle 791: TALES FROM THE VAULTS: Fine Flying Things

Show Notes

Rated G

 

Originally aired as PodCastle 260


Fine Flying Things

by Adele Gardner

Frankie watched, open-mouthed, as the cats soared up into the sky.

All he could think of was Dali’s photograph, that crazy one where the
cat flew across a stream of water while Dali perched on a chair. He
ran outside.

In that little space of time, yet more cats had lifted off from earth.
They floated like furry balloons, orange and gray and tiger-striped.
Some looked scared, their claws extended to full panic, like a kitten
caught in a tree; but there was nothing to grasp in the sky. The
clouds didn’t seem to slow them down.

Others looked mildly interested, their whiskers drooping in curious
contentment. Still others seemed entranced with possibilities,
stretching their claws to snag unwary birds as they soared by.

Frankie gaped at the spectacle of cats dotting the sky like a flock of
migrating birds. As the felines swarmed through the air, he glimpsed a
familiar gray leg. By instinct, he reached up to grab the striped
appendage, just as he might have done to spare the china. The skinny
leg jerked taut, and he found himself looking up into the startled
blue eyes of his Maurice.

 

 

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