Archive for Rated PG

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PodCastle Miniature 32: Chu-bu and Sheemish

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains religious iconography, as described by the 18th Lord of Dunsany.


Chu-bu and Sheemish

By Lord Dunsany

And all the people rejoiced and cried out, “There is none but Chu-bu.” And honey was offered to Chu-bu, and maize and fat. Thus was he magnified.

Chu-bu was an idol of some antiquity, as may be seen from the colour of the wood. He had been carved out of mahogany, and after he was carved he had been polished. Then they had set him up on the diorite pedestal with the brazier in front of it for burning spices and the flat gold plates for fat. Thus they worshipped Chu-bu.

He must have been there for over a hundred years when one day the priests came in with another idol into the temple of Chu-bu and set it up on a pedestal near Chu-bu’s and sang, “There is also Sheemish.”

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PodCastle 052: The Nalendar

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains a journey down a river (note: is not Huck Finn).


The Nalendar

by Ann Leckie

“Down here!” the voice said, and she looked down at her feet, and then crouched, her dull green dress puddling behind and beside her on the gray stone. On the top of her foot was a tiny, black lizard, hardly as big as her thumb, and that only including its long, bright blue tail.

“Excuse me,” she said. “I didn’t see you at first. I’m sorry, but I’m not looking for protection, or a guide.” (Continue Reading…)

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PC051: The Cambist and Lord Iron

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains economic trickery that is fantastic, if not fantastical.


The Cambist and Lord Iron

by Daniel Abraham

Born Edmund Scarasso, Lord Iron had taken his father’s title and lands and ridden them first to war, then to power, and finally to a notorious fame. His family estate outside the city was reputed to rival the king’s, but Lord Iron spent little time there. He had a house in the city with two hundred rooms arranged around a central courtyard garden in which trees bore fruits unfamiliar to the city and flowers bloomed with exotic and troubling scents. His servants were numberless as ants; his personal fortune greater than some smaller nations. And never, it was said, had such wealth, power, and influence been squandered on such a debased soul. (Continue Reading…)

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PodCastle 49: Return of the Warrior

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains the inevitability that all we Americans had to deal with scant days ago.


Return of the Warrior

by Laird Long

In the Province of Sull, in the Kingdom of Ronn, all seemed right with the world – the potters potted, the sculptors sculpted, the painters painted, and the scriveners did whatever their name implies. For Sull was home to the kingdom’s artisans, a colorful colony of creative cranks who used well their artistic endowments, for satisfaction of the soul, and sale. And they toiled truly and profitably.

But beneath the placid, pleasant exterior of the province and the people, lay a seething resentment bubbled to near-surface boil by the erratic, practicality-impaired nature of the creative personality, and the indolence of a King who listened not to ill-formed complaints some two hundred leagues removed. A prickly current of unrest sparked and shocked the citizenry, for many held the opinion that the provincial governor, the Wizard Kadil, was in no uncertain terms fudging the books, collecting taxes beyond what the law allowed. And though the people of Sull claimed to be moved primarily by muse, so, too, were they moved by a love of the good, old, gold stuff.

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PodCastle Miniature 30: Rotations and Consequences

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains flight.


Rotations and Consequences

by Katherine Sparrow

Dear people of the world,

Here is something that happened that you should really know about. That you need to know about. I know because I saw it. There was a woman who walked into her backyard. The grass beneath her bare feet was wet and cold, but she knelt and lay down upon it with her palms pressed into the ground and her legs spread wide. She touched as much of it as her finite body was able to. In her fenced- in yard, in the subdivision of her suburb, underneath the faint stars, she closed her eyes. I saw her.

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PC048: “I’ll Gnaw Your Bones,” the Manticore Said

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains some violence, and a number of circus creatures.


“I’ll Gnaw Your Bones,” the Manticore Said

by Cat Rambo

There is a tacit understanding between a beast trainer and her charges, whether it be great cats, cunning dragons, or apes and other man-like creatures. They know, and the trainer knows, that as long as certain lines aren’t crossed, that if certain expectations are met, everything will be fine and no one will get hurt.

That’s not to say I didn’t keep an eye on Bupus, watching for a twitch to his tail, the way one bulbous eye would go askew when anger was brewing. A beast’s a beast, after all, and not responsible for what they do when circumstances push them too far. Beasts still, no matter how they speak or smile or woo.

At any rate, Bupus felt obliged to maintain his reputation whenever another wagon or traveler was in earshot.

“Gnaw your bones,” he rumbled, rolling a vast oversized eyeball back at me. The woman he was trying to impress shrieked and dropped her chickens, which vanished in a white flutter among the blackberry vines and ferns that began where the road’s ground stone gave way to forest. A blue-headed jay screamed in alarm from a pine.

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PodCastle Miniature 29: Birthday Wish

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains ten-year-old boys, and thusly some gross-out humor.

Read by Grammar Girl.

This piece won an honorable mention in the Escape Pod flash fiction contest for stories under 300 words. (Contest thread here)


Birthday Wish

by Tina Connolly

Mrs. Lemons stroked her son’s hair. “Joshua is very mature,” she said. “He’s not like those other ten-year-old boys.”

“Of course,” said Mrs. Dumpling. “My Benji is an angel, too. Benji, stop kicking their cat. Isn’t Joshua’s cake lovely?”

“Yes,” agreed Mrs. Lemons. “We’re so excited for his wish. We’ve talked of nothing else for months. Joshua, stop eating those candles. It will be perfect.”

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PodCastle 045: The Annals of Eelin-Ok

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains fae and sandcastles.


The Annals of Eelin-Ok

by Jeffrey Ford

…there is only one way to truly understand the nature of the Twilmish, and that is to meet one of them. So here, I will relate for you the biography of an individual of their kind. All of what follows will have taken place on the evening of a perfect summer day after you had left the beach, and will occupy the time between tides–from when you had sat down to dinner and five hours later when you laid your head upon the pillow to sleep. There seemed to you to be barely enough time to eat your chicken and potatoes, sneak your carrots to the dog beneath the table, clean up, watch your favorite tv show, draw a picture of a pirate with an eye patch and a parrot upon her shoulder, brush your teeth and kiss your parents goodnight. To understand the Twilmish, though, is to understand that in a mere moment, all can be saved or lost, an ingenious idea can be born, a kingdom can fall, love can grow, and life can discover its meaning.

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PodCastle 044: Immersed in Matter

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains magic, and horses, and transformation.


Immersed in Matter

by Nina Kiriki Hoffman

One frosty evening at the leading edge of winter, when Golden had sent me out to study the night habits of deer, I crouched under a bush with one of the inn yard cats. She was pregnant and hungry. I had brought her a fresh-killed rat. I wanted to buy conversation with her.

“How can I get close enough to speak with horses?” I whispered.

“You won’t be able to, not while you stink of faery,” the cat said.

“What’s wrong with how I smell?”

“We know your kind means us no good.”

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PC039: Honest Man

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains some bleakness — but mostly fun and games (well, con games).


Honest Man

by Naomi Kritzer

“Excuse me…” The man from the front of the restaurant was talking to the waitress, his face obviously distressed. “I am so, so sorry, ma’am, but I just realized that I left my wallet back at my room. I’m going to have to go get it before I can pay, but I don’t want you to think I’m running out on my bill. I can leave my instrument here as security…” He had a violin case, Iris saw; he opened it up to show the waitress the violin inside. “This is a good violin. I paid fifty dollars for it, a few years back, but I think it’s worth more.”

The waitress glanced at it and grunted. “It looks like it’s worth more than your meal, anyway. Go ahead and get your wallet.”

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, and went back out into the rain.

Iris was finishing her sandwich when she heard Leo say, “Can I take a look at that?”

“What, the violin?” The waitress shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

Leo opened the case and took out the instrument, turning it over in his hands and holding it up to the light. She heard him let out a long, appreciative breath, and looked up to see him swallow hard. For a moment, his eyes darted around the room, like a man with a poker hand that he knows will win the night. Then he looked back up at Iris, and at the waitress. “My God,” he said. “This is a Stradivarius.”