PodCastle 128: Something Wicked This Way Plumbs
Show Notes
Rated PG: Contains tentacles, and a whole lotta candy
Something Wicked This Way Plumbs
by Vylar Kaftan
It happened last year. I’d come into the office early, because I was on deadline–and a month behind on bills. To make things worse, my girlfriend had the flu, and I’d promised to be there by 5 to take her boys trick-or-treating. So here I was in the men’s restroom, at 7:30 on Halloween morning. I shook out a few drops, zipped my pants, and went to the sink. It’s one of those two-faucet deals with handles on each side and a wide central spigot. I turned the cold water tap.
Candy streamed out of the faucet like the entrails of a slaughtered piñata. The sink filled with Skittles, candy corn, and jellybeans. They rattled against each other as they spilled over the basin’s edge. Startled, I turned the faucet off.
I hoped someone was playing a Halloween prank, because the alternative was disturbing. Or maybe I wasn’t awake yet. I glanced at the mirror. In dreams you’ve always got weird things about your face, like snakes crawling from your eyeballs. But I looked normal. A bit scruffy, and my sleepy eyes were bloodshot. Neither of these were a problem for a freelance writer–in some circles, they might count as street cred. I looked at the sink. Still candy.
I went to my office for a paper bag.
About the Author
Vylar Kaftan
Vylar Kaftan writes speculative fiction of all genres, including science fiction, fantasy, horror, and slipstream. She won a 2013 Nebula Award for her novella “The Weight of the Sunrise”, as well as a 2013 Sidewise Award for Short-Form Alternate History. She was also nominated for a 2010 Nebula Award for her short story “I’m Alive, I Love You, I’ll See You in Reno.”
Her stories have appeared in Lightspeed, Strange Horizons, Asimov’s, and Clarkesworld. Her work has been reprinted in Horror: The Best of the Year, honorably mentioned in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror, and shortlisted for the WSFA Small Press Award.
A graduate of Clarion West, she’s volunteered for that group as well as the Little Owls mentoring program for young writers. She’s a member of SFWA, Codex, Broad Universe, and the Carl Brandon Society. In 2011, she founded FOGcon, a new literary-themed science fiction and fantasy convention in the San Francisco Bay Area. She blogs at VylarKaftan.com.
She lives with her husband Shannon in northern California. Her hobbies include modern-day temple dancing and preparing for a major earthquake. Her favorite color is all of them. She prefers the term “differently sane.”
About the Narrator
Elie Hirschman
Elie Hirschman always wanted to be a voice actor, growing up watching He-man, ThunderCats and Voltron. After recording several e-Learning, scientific and marketing projects, Elie discovered the world of audio podcasts, working with such groups as Darker Projects and Dream Realm Productions. Together with fellow actor David Ault, he started Cool Fool Productions, where they dramatize bad audio scripts with questionable results. He’s currently still active in all EA podcasts (except CatsCast) and also appears semi-regularly on the Nosleep Podcast. He doodles constantly but never saves the drawings, and likes to paint with his kids, although the amount of paint they are willing to waste drives him batty.
