PC011: Fourteen Experiments in Postal Delivery

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains surrealism and wandering body parts of the naughty variety.

Featured intro Link: Postal Experiments

Fourteen Experiments in Postal Delivery

by John Schoffstall


I received a letter from you today, expressing contrition for your past bad behavior and requesting a reconciliation with me. It was written in blue felt-tip pen, with big blurry spots that I think you intended to be taken as the marks of tears. However, when I burned the letter those spots did not produce the characteristic yellow flame that indicates the presence of sodium. I conclude that you made those stains with water drops, or some other aqueous liquid. Definitely not tears. Therefore, I am unconvinced of your sorrow, but reassured as to your guile, insincerity, and general incompetence.

Still hating you,


P.S.: All further tear-stained letters will go directly into the In-Sink-Erator.

About the Author

John Schoffstall

John Schoffstall has been writing fiction for as long as he can remember. He has published short fiction in Asimov’sStrange HorizonsInterzoneLady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet, and other venues. One of my stories, “Fourteen Experiments in Postal Delivery,” has been reprinted in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror, Twentieth Annual Collection. His first novel, Half-Witch, was published by Small Beer Press in 2018.

Find more by John Schoffstall


About the Narrator

Heather Lindsley

Heather Lindsley is an author.

Find more by Heather Lindsley