by Tina Connolly
Narrated by a full cast!
C.S.E. Cooney as Stef
Amal El-Mohtar as Zoë
M.K. Hobson as Alicia
Tina Connolly as Tiffy
LaShawn Wanak as Deiondre
Dave Thompson as Joseph
Marguerite Kenner as Lindsay
Anna Schwind as Felicia
Hosted by Dave Thompson
Originally published in Unidentified Funny Objects 3, edited by Alex Shvartsman!
From: Stef Jones-Tanaka <email@example.com>
Hey Super Moms! Here’s the email group I mentioned to a couple of you at preschool today. Teacher Stacie said there are four of us families in the system right now at Little Darlings Preschool and shared your emails with me–hope that’s ok! I think we can learn from each other!
Please go ahead and introduce yourself and your kids, and feel free to share a problem you’re having right now. Chances are you’re not alone.
As for me, I have twin four-year-olds Isabel Ko and Beatrix Ai. Isabel has super strength and Beatrix has X-ray vision. Isabel is going through a hitting phase. Our front door has been obliterated twice. Beatrix knows all about sex from looking through the neighbors’ walls (apparently the neighbors have way more fun than we do.) I’m tempted to put both girls in a cement dome covered in foil until they’re twenty.
Hope to hear from you all!
Live each day like the planet might explode tomorrow. Who knows, right?
Editors’ Note: This is the last story Dave will be hosting at PodCastle as your editor. And he has a present for you — he wrote a story for you all which you can listen to on his new site!
Special thanks to Peter Wood for all the hard work in putting this episode together, and to LaShawn Wanak, for being a wonderful part of our staff.
He stood in front of the machine that made clothes and fretted. He already had a fur suit, a carpet suit, and a brick suit. Everyone had a water suit; it was practically cliche.
Last week he’d had a Pop-Tart suit for a lark. That had been popular, but he couldn’t go back to that well so soon. Anyway, it smacked too much of the bacon suit fad from last year. He’d had to shower for an hour to get un-sticky afterward.
He’d even done a suit suit, which had helped keep his reputation for the sartorial avant-garde.
Harriet, their aging basset hound, shuffled into the bedroom and plopped down beside him. He looked at Harriet and pursed his lips.
The Brindletom woke after Erdi had already finished her eggs and was on her second cup of coffee. He swung down from his nest in the rafters and slid along the ropes to the table. Erdi pushed the plate of bacon toward him.
“I had a dream last night,” he piped, plucking a bacon strip up with his clever forepaws and gnawing on it.
“Do tell,” Erdi said, somewhat blearily. She was considering a third cup of coffee.
“I dreamed that I was a man accursed, trapped in a hideous mannikin body, and bound to a cruel sorceress who had promised to help me, to return me to my place and my true form, but upon whose pleasure I must wait and serve in the interim. I dreamed that my servitude would have no end, for I was sworn to her unto death and she would live forever.”
Rated R. Contains Unethical Clothing Options.
by John Nickerson
Read by Graeme Dunlop
A PodCastle Original!
“I just … wasn’t expecting that. Usually it goes ‘Join me and together we can rule the world’, then you heroes say ‘Never!’, and we fight. Nobody’s ever just said ‘Okay’ like that.”
“So what now?”
“Don’t know. I had a great battle planned for us, through the ice caves, over the lava lake, into the mud plains, it would have been spectacular. Now, I guess … do you want to see the inner lair?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”