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Archive for Rated R

PodCastle 369: The Chimney-Borer and the Tanner

by Thoraiya Dyer

read by Pamila Payne

A PodCastle Original!

Hoping I’d steal their souls instead of hers, my birth mother hid me in a chimney-borer’s home.

I never did harm any of that happy family. They are peacefully dead of old age, by now. That’s something, at least, to be proud of. Even if I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to skin a god.

It took a decade – far too long – for me to learn that Orfro wasn’t really my father. If golden jaguars could sometimes throw black cubs in a litter, I reasoned, why couldn’t yellow-haired people make black-haired babies? I hoped I’d get to look more like Orfroas I grew older. I was mesmerised by the white-blond curls, not just on his head, but across his shoulders and down his back. When he bent over to bore chimneys, the curls could be seen continuing on, disappearing between his buttocks into the loose, woven trousers he wore.

Rated R.

Thoraiya Dyer is an Aurealis and Ditmar Award-winning, Sydney-based science fiction and fantasy writer. Her short story collection, ‘Asymmetry’, and time-travel pirate novella ‘The Company Articles of Edward Teach’ are available from Twelfth Planet Press, while the first book in her ‘Titan’s Forest’ fantasy trilogy is forthcoming from Tor. Thoraiya is an archer and a lapsed veterinarian. Follow @ThoraiyaDyer or peruse thoraiyadyer.com.

Pamila Payne is a Los Angeles writer and voice actor. Her noir horror, vintage crime and drama can be found at vintagevice.com. Her most recent work was included in Exiles: An Outsider Anthology. She is available to hire for Audiobook narrating and all things spoken word.

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PodCastle 363: L’Etoile Flamboyante

by Samantha Henderson
read by C. S. E. Cooney
Originally featured in the Word Webber Press anthology of 2013, Allegories of the Tarot.

Last night I dreamed about the Painted Children: the Dragon Leviathan, the Boy made of Horses, and the girl, L’Etoile Flamboyante. In the dream, I was sitting at the edge of the cliff beside the ruins, not far from where I lie now, but I was straight and whole again, the tiger reclining beside me like an outsized housecat. The water at the foot of the cliff glistened in the starlight, and the Children were in a boat, little wider than a rowboat, looking up at me. The girl stretched out her arms, and I shifted as if to rise. The tiger gave me a lazy nudge. Not yet, it said, silently. We are still at the business of dying.

Rated R.

Samantha Henderson lives in Southern California by way of England, South Africa, Illinois and Oregon.  Her short fiction and  poetry have been published in Realms of Fantasy, Strange Horizons, Goblin Fruit and Weird Tales, and reprinted in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Science Fiction, Steampunk Revolutions and the Mammoth Book of Steampunk, as well as being podcast in Podcastle, Escape Pod, and The Drabblecast.   She’s the author of the Forgotten Realms novels Heaven’s Bones and Dawnbringer, and is currently working on a novel based on her short story “Cinderella Suicide.

C.S.E. Cooney is a Rhode Island writer, actor, poet, and singer-songwriter. She is the author of the Dark Breakers series: The Breaker Queen and The Two Paupers. “Witch, Beast, Saint” the first erotic fairy tale in her Witch’s Garden Series, can be found at Strange Horizons, while the second, The Witch in the Almond Tree is available for purchase on Amazon.

Cooney’s first short fiction collection Bone Swans is forthcoming with Mythic Delirium in July of 2015.

She recently started working as an audiobook narrator for Tantor Media, with Carol J Perry’s “Caught Dead Handed,” a Witch City mystery— Cooney’s first book-length narration—now available for purchase.

Thanks to a successful Indiegogo campaign, Cooney’s alternate personality, the imaginary rockstar Brimstone Rhine, is just about to hit the studio to record her first EP, “Alecto! Alecto!” Eight songs of Myth and Legend—Witches, Queens, Nymphs, Fiends—as you’ve never heard them sung before.

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PodCastle 357: The Specialist’s Hat

by Kelly Link
Read by Elizabeth Green Musselman
Originally published in Event Horizon, November 1998.

“When you’re dead,” Samantha says, “you don’t have to brush your teeth…”

“When you’re dead,” Claire says, “you live in a box, and it’s always dark, but you’re never afraid.”

Claire and Samantha are identical twins. Their combined age is twenty years, four months, and six days. Claire is better at being dead than Samantha.

Rated R.

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PodCastle Miniature 83: Double Feature! Two by Nathaniel Lee

The Machine That Made Clothes
By Nathaniel Lee
Read by Wilson Fowlie (of the Maple Leaf Singers)
A PodCastle Original!

He stood in front of the machine that made clothes and fretted.  He already had a fur suit, a carpet suit, and a brick suit.  Everyone had a water suit; it was practically cliche.

Last week he’d had a Pop-Tart suit for a lark.  That had been popular, but he couldn’t go back to that well so soon.  Anyway, it smacked too much of the bacon suit fad from last year.  He’d had to shower for an hour to get un-sticky afterward.

He’d even done a suit suit, which had helped keep his reputation for the sartorial avant-garde.

Harriet, their aging basset hound, shuffled into the bedroom and plopped down beside him.  He looked at Harriet and pursed his lips.

Tired Eyes and Clever Hands
by Nathaniel Lee
Read by LaShawn Wanak
A PodCastle Original!

The Brindletom woke after Erdi had already finished her eggs and was on her second cup of coffee.  He swung down from his nest in the rafters and slid along the ropes to the table.  Erdi pushed the plate of bacon toward him.

“I had a dream last night,” he piped, plucking a bacon strip up with his clever forepaws and gnawing on it.

“Do tell,” Erdi said, somewhat blearily.  She was considering a third cup of coffee.

“I dreamed that I was a man accursed, trapped in a hideous mannikin body, and bound to a cruel sorceress who had promised to help me, to return me to my place and my true form, but upon whose pleasure I must wait and serve in the interim.  I dreamed that my servitude would have no end, for I was sworn to her unto death and she would live forever.”

Rated R. Contains Unethical Clothing Options.

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