Archive for Rated PG

PodCastle Miniature 94: Further Arguments in Support of Yudah Cohen’s Proposal to Bluma Zilberman


by Rebecca Fraimow

read by Richard Dansky

First published in Diabolical Plots. Read it here.

Rated PG.

Dear Bluma,

I heard that Hershel Schmulewitz, that blockhead, has also presumed to ask for your hand in marriage, which gives you two proposals to consider. Now, you needn’t worry that this will be a sentimental or a wheedling sort of letter. You already know how I feel, and I suppose Hershel’s not so much of a blockhead that he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m simply writing to lay out the reasons, plainly and concisely, why it would certainly be more to your benefit to marry me.

Rebecca Fraimow is an author and archivist living in Boston. Her marketable skills include identifying old videotape formats, typing extremely fast, and stealing ideas from Sholom Aleichem.

Richard Dansky is the author of several novels and a video game designer who works for Ubisoft.

PodCastle 447: It’s a Wonderful Carol

Show Notes

Rated PG.


It’s a Wonderful Carol

by Heather Shaw & Tim Pratt

“Who the hell are you?”

The man is standing in my walk—in closet. Except he’s not. He’s also standing at the foot of my bed. And he’s sitting in my window, languid like a pampered cat. Everywhere my eyes go, there he is. He’s so beautiful my teeth ache when I look at him, like I just bit into a piece of cake that is too sweet to taste good. Then he speaks, and my ears shiver in a glorious golden aural bliss.

“I’m your muse, Colleen.”

I want to scoff, deny his existence, refuse to believe him. But I do believe him. His voice rings truth like a perfectly tuned fifth.

Yes. That’s my muse standing there beside me, and sitting beside me on my bed, and flipping through the sheet music on my vanity chair.

“Damn. My muse is hot.”

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PodCastle 439: That Seriously Obnoxious Time I Was Stuck at Witch Rimelda’s One Hundredth Birthday Party

Show Notes

Rated PG


That Seriously Obnoxious Time I Was Stuck at Witch Rimelda’s One Hundredth Birthday Party

by Tina Connolly

So, reason number 572 why living with a wicked witch sucks? Sometimes it’s a gorgeous summer Saturday, and instead of getting a well-deserved break from Sarmine’s weird witchy chores like dusting the dried newts, you end up as an unpaid babysitter for a party full of little witches.

I set out the plates and forks for the birthday cake while surveying the swimming pool full of witch-kids. From up here they looked like any small children having fun—laughing and splashing and squealing and biting. Except, if you got close enough, you could hear them threatening to turn each other into frogs.

Around me, Witch Sarmine and all her nasty witch friends hovered around the pool like we were the first course at this birthday party. In a way, I suppose we were.

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PodCastle 428: Madame Félidé Elopes

Show Notes

Rated PG

This story was written for a contest, and was based on an original painting by Yekaterina Yeliseeva.

This is this story’s first English publication. Click here to find the original story in Russian.


Madame Félidé Elopes

by K. A. Teryna translated by Anatoly Belilovsky

1.  Madame Félidé and the Smile Merchants

On Friday Madame Félidé bought all the smiles the local merchants had for sale. Merry and sad, shy and modest, childlike and old, tender, happy, polite, ugly, warm, soft, villainous, ironic, open, timid, grudging, obsequious—every single one. Shopkeepers dug through their deepest cellars to find silly grins that rarely sold and usually gathered dust amid bits of obsolete gossip and jokes peeled off the floor after they had fallen flat. She emptied the display cases of fleeting smiles and gullible smiles and especially made sure to acquire every single sincere smile in the entire town. She also bought two ounces of contagious laughter and half a pound of good cheer. For change, the sales clerk gave her a tulle sachet full of pointed double entendres.

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