Archive for Rated PG

PodCastle 439: That Seriously Obnoxious Time I Was Stuck at Witch Rimelda’s One Hundredth Birthday Party

by Tina Connolly

read by Gina Freeman

First appeared in TOR.com.

So, reason number 572 why living with a wicked witch sucks? Sometimes it’s a gorgeous summer Saturday, and instead of getting a well-deserved break from Sarmine’s weird witchy chores like dusting the dried newts, you end up as an unpaid babysitter for a party full of little witches.

I set out the plates and forks for the birthday cake while surveying the swimming pool full of witch-kids. From up here they looked like any small children having fun—laughing and splashing and squealing and biting. Except, if you got close enough, you could hear them threatening to turn each other into frogs.

Around me, Witch Sarmine and all her nasty witch friends hovered around the pool like we were the first course at this birthday party. In a way, I suppose we were.

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Rated PG.

Picture of Author Tina ConnollyTina Connolly is the author of the Ironskin trilogy from Tor, and the Seriously Wicked series from Tor Teen. The newest Seriously novel, Seriously Shifted, releases November first. Her novels have been finalists for the Nebula and the Norton. Her stories have appeared on all Escape Artists podcasts, and are now collected in “On the Eyeball Floor and Other Stories” from Fairwood Press. She co-hosts at Escape Pod, narrates stories at Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Pseudopod, and right here on Podcastle, and you can find her at tinaconnolly.com.

Picture of Narrator Gina FreemanGina Freeman is a writer, comedian and bioethicist based out of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Earth, solar system, Milky Way, local group, Virgo supercluster, observable universe, unobservable universe. She loves science and art, and especially when the two collide. She also loves her work, which allows her to think scientifically while dreaming science fictionally. She writes plays for myriad festivals, contributes to a monthly feminist podcast and radio program, runs a weekly writers room, and writes jokes for a local late-night comedy variety talk show. Find her online at ginafreeman.com.

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PodCastle 428: Madame Félidé Elopes

by K. A. Teryna translated by Anatoly Belilovsky

read by Tina Connolly

On Friday Madame Félidé bought all the smiles the local merchants had for sale. Merry and sad, shy and modest, childlike and old, tender, happy, polite, ugly, warm, soft, villainous, ironic, open, timid, grudging, obsequious — every single one. Shopkeepers dug through their deepest cellars to find silly grins that rarely sold and usually gathered dust amid bits of obsolete gossip and jokes peeled off the floor after they had fallen flat. She emptied the display cases of fleeting smiles and gullible smiles and especially made sure to acquire every single sincere smile in the entire town. She also bought two ounces of contagious laughter and half a pound of good cheer. For change, the sales clerk gave her a tulle sachet full of pointed double entendres.

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This is this story’s first English publication. Click here to find the original story in Russian.

Rated PG.

Picture of Author K.A. TerynaK. A. Teryna is an author, screenwriter, and illustrator. Since her first publication in 2008, she has won multiple awards and had a number of her stories published in Russian Sci-Fi magazines ESLI, MIR FANTASTIKI, and other Russian publications. She lives in Moscow.

This story was written for a contest, and was based on an original painting by Yekaterina Yeliseeva.

Anatoly Belilovsky is has had over 40 original and translated stories published in English since 2011. He is a member of SFWA and Codex Writers, and has been translated into Russian, Chinese, and Spanish.

Picture of Narrator Tina ConnollyTina Connolly is the author of the Ironskin trilogy from Tor, and the Seriously Wicked series from Tor Teen. Her novels have been finalists for the Nebula and the Norton. Her first collection, On the Eyeball Floor and Other Stories, is releasing August 2016 from Fairwood Press. She is one of the co-hosts of Escape Pod, and her narrations have appeared on all 4 Escape Artists podcasts, as well as Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and her Parsec-winning flash fiction podcast Toasted Cake. Find her at tinaconnolly.com.

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PodCastle 426: Sweeter than Lead

by Benjamin C. Kinney

read by Jen R. Albert

A PodCastle original!

I stood atop the wall and stared at the shifting black towers of the Nameless City, as if this time I might spot the shadows of its bygone masters. I flexed my toes against the rampart’s top, the basalt as cold and solid as ever. Only the wall and my vigilance held the City in check, but one of those would not last. Two months remained until my mandated retirement: the end of my prophecies, the end of my power.

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Rated PG.

Picture of Benjamin C. Kinney

Benjamin C. Kinney

Benjamin C. Kinney is a neuroscientist by day, speculative fiction writer by night. He has left the business of creating cyborg monkeys, and contents himself with scanning and stimulating mere human brains. He lives in St. Louis with two cats, while waiting for his wife to return from Mars. 2016 marks his first year of professional fiction sales, and his stories have already appeared twice in Strange Horizons, forthcoming in Flash Fiction Online, and now here in Podcastle. He’s a member of the Codex writers’ group, a graduate of the Viable Paradise workshop, and a slush reader for PodCastle’s evil twin, Escape Pod.

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PodCastle 424: Betty and the Squelchy Saurus

by Caroline M. Yoachim

read by Kim Rogers

First published in Fireside Magazine, Issue 28.

Betty read the treaty out loud:

  1. Closets and under the beds are monster territory. Children may obtain items from the closets during daylight hours, as long as they knock before entering. Items that fall under the bed should be considered lost forever.
  2. Monsters must not be seen during daylight hours. Monsters are free to roam the orphanage at any hour of the day or night, so long as they are not seen.
  3. Monsters may not eat children during daylight hours.
  4. Monsters may eat children at night ONLY if the child (or any portion thereof) leaves the safety of its bed.
  5. Children may ask adults to check for monsters under the bed or inside the closet. However:
  6. Children may not, under any circumstances, request that an adult drag a monster out of its territory to shoot or otherwise kill the monster. Violation of rule #6 will release the monsters from the terms of this treaty.

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Rated PG.

Picture of Caroline M. Yoachim

Caroline M. Yoachim

Caroline M. Yoachim lives in Seattle and loves cold cloudy weather. She is the author of dozens of short stories, appearing in Fantasy & Science Fiction, Clarkesworld, Asimov’s, and Lightspeed, among other places. Her debut short story collection, Seven Wonders of a Once and Future World & Other Stories, is coming out with Fairwood Press in August 2016. You can find her on the web at carolineyoachim.com, and on Twitter @CarolineYoachim.

Picture of Kim Rogers

Kim Rogers

 

Kim Rogers is an EMC actress who can be found at Music Theatre International where she has the pleasure of assisting theatres with all of their licensing needs. She has recently workshopped musicals at Lincoln Center and for the BMI Workshop. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn and can be heard at the top of every episode of the Kaleidocast, available on iTunes and SoundCloud.

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